I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
