Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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