I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
