you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
