The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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