Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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