Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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