He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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