eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
