I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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