worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
