I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
