You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
