He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
