one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You are a genius and a whore.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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