i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
