I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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