He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
