That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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