he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do vagina's smell?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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