When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
