i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
