So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
