Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
