After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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