You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
