Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
