drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
