i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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