Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
