Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
