yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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