I just threw up on my dentist
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
