Your face is a jimmy john
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
