I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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