woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
