Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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