I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
