Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
