New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
