i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
