Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
