I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
