i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
