Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
