I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
