Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
