dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
