well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
