I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
