he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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