At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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