took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
